this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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