boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
