Going to get a "plan B"urrito
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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