I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
