I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
