He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
