pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
