Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
