Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
