he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
