went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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