Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
