Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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