Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
