just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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