No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
