shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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