"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
