Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
