Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
