hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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