You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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