dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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