You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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