you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
