god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
