First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
