the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
