i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
