so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
