i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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