my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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