He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
