At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
