We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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