i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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