she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
