i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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