Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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