Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my being single is dangerous.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
