i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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