grandma shit on top of the toilet
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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