I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
