My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
