go do what you do best...puke behind churches
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
