Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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