She said her name was "party"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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