Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The beer is more important than you right now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
50% drunk capacity currently
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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