Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
