took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
