he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
