can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
