? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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