I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
