Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
