You made me cry and you don't even care
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
