so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
