I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
