In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
