I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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