I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
