going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
