Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize