I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
