now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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