I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize