can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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